Friend or Foe?
Dear Maribeth,
Last week I attended my sibling’s wedding. A “close” friend of mine, one I’ve known since teenage hood, who I use to refer to as my sister, was invited. She has been having a difficult year herself and recently hooked up with a man who she met on the internet. (I know, oh no!) When sent an invitation she wrote that she and one guest would be attending; telling me that that one guest was to be her daughter. Well she brought her male friend instead, who was offensive, drunk and crude at the reception and she encouraged his rude behavior. Luckily enough not too many people seemed to notice the antics at this big wedding. My friend and I had been in touch through e-mails and phone calls and (I thought,) friendly. I did send an e-mail telling her that I was unhappy about her not telling me of her plans for the wedding until the last minute and expecting me to be open to visiting new people who her friend would be bringing down from where they come from to the room they were renting. A voice mail informed me that I had hurt her feelings but not specifically about what. I’m sure she has not been listening to me lately as when a close relative died the month before, she came for the funeral but didn’t stay for the meal afterward even though I thought I told her before I’d rather her support during the Wedding than at the funeral. And during the funeral and the wedding was very vocal about me just being a “long-time friend”. I’d like to know what to do. Do I wait for her get in touch with me and explain herself. Do I e-mail a note of my disappointment in her antics at the Wedding. Or do I write her off as a friend before she decides to try to hurt my family and I more? I have been told that her new friend is not welcome at any future family gatherings and to let her know this. This is not the first time she has treated me shabbily but it didn’t seem often enough in the past to make it a point to drop her as a friend, she’s never offended my family members before and she has helped me in times of need.
Thank You,
A “Long-Time” Friend
Hi LTF,
Wow! Long question! I’ll get right to the point so we don’t run out of space!
Your cards are the 8 of Cups, The Hierophant and the Knight of Cups.
By the looks of the Eight of Cups I say it is time to walk away. You’ve had some good times as shown by the 8 upright cups in the foreground, but things are obviously not the same as they used to be. If these recent experiences were the only ones you had with this person, you wouldn’t have become friends. You are wondering whether to stay friends because of good times you had before. It’s time to take a break and separate from her. Let her be in her own world. You are moving on.
The Hierophant encourages you to think about this situation more, and learn from it. It’s okay to have certain qualifications for your friends. Of course, no one is perfect, but there are some basic questions you can ask yourself before you invite people to special occasions. This will keep the occasion special. Questions like: can you count on them? Are they there for you when you need them? Do they consider your feelings in social situations? Are they honest with you? Can you be honest with them? Do you trust them? Successful people surround themselves with people they look up to, can learn from, and are comfortable with because they share similar values.
The Knight of Cups assures me that there will be new people coming in to your life who have kindness to offer. You can humbly move on from this relationship, without feeling that you are ditching someone. Your friend may just be going through a bad time. Perhaps not hearing from her friends anymore will help her to notice that she is making a bad choice. I don’t feel you need to confront her about it. By focusing your intention on bringing in new energy to your life, you won’t have time left for unfulfilling relationships. And if she changes her lifestyle so it fits better with yours, your paths may cross again. Friendships change throughout our lives because we evolve as life goes on. I know it’s sad to step away from a friendship, but cherish your fond memories and look forward to more with people you like.
