When Karma Has Engine Trouble
Dear Maribeth,
Last week I had $420 worth of work done on my car. I got there late to pick it up but they were nice enough to leave it outside with the keys in it for me. The work order was also in the car in a big greasy plastic envelope. After I got home I realized that since I had all the paperwork, they probably didn’t know that I owed them money. I got very excited about saving a week’s pay and felt that since it was a big operation they would call me for my credit card number if they were aware of it. If it was a small mechanic shop trying to make a living, I would not have felt the same way but I figured it was karma getting me back for all the times I got taken advantage of as a female trying to having work done on my car.
But, driving home from work 2 days later, my conscience got the better of me and I figured they probably knew anyway. Since it is quite clear what the obvious right thing to do is, I decided I should just go in and pay them. So I did. And no, they knew nothing about it – in fact I got the mechanic in trouble for not following proper procedure!
Here is my dilemma, Maribeth. WHY do I NOT feel good about doing the right thing in this situation?? I am a very honest person, but I feel like I really screwed myself. I have no warm fuzzies at all about knowing I was honest. I wish I never went back! Is something wrong with me? Is my character changing?
Pride-less
Dear Pride-less,
The 8 of Swords, the 9 of Pentacles and the Devil came up for your dilemma.
The 8 of Swords shows a blindfolded woman whose hands are tied. As much as hindsight is 20/20, without going in and offering to pay you would not have known whether or not they knew you owed them money. Being in the dark this way is never comfortable. Every time you drove by the place, or heard a funny rattle in your car, you would be reminded that you had not ‘fessed up.
The 9 of Pentacles is you now that you are fully aware of the situation. You are able to pay, this isn’t going to kill you. You can hold your head up high knowing that you fulfilled your obligation to pay for services rendered. The hooded falcon in this picture represents the disciplined mind and how it chooses to control impulses. Your first reaction may have been “something for nothing – yeah!” but then the grown-up in you reminded you of your responsibilities to them AND to yourself.
The Devil reminds us of habits that are best for us to let go of. This circumstance may have occurred to help you realize that you don’t need to get something for nothing. As shown by the chains binding the people to the beast, you are holding on to an old pattern of behavior that no longer serves your best interests. Figure out exactly what that is, and simply let it go.
I think your character is changing - for the better. Give yourself more credit for doing the right thing. Think about how you would be feeling now if you didn’t. Accept the fact that being dishonest is not really a choice for you. My mom always said, “A clear conscience makes the softest pillow.”