Mama’s Boy
Dear MBM,
I have been dating a 22-year old man since our freshman year of college. He’s a wonderful, intelligent person who reverts to being a 7 year old whenever he’s in the presence of his mother. She buys all of his clothes, dressing him like an elderly man. He sees nothing wrong with this, and refuses to change because it would hurt his (sainted) mother’s feelings. He also confides details about our sex life to her, and then does not understand why she dislikes me (she has even called me a slut to him while we were temporarily split up). This Norman Bates-style worship is getting to be too much to take! Is there any hope for us?
Meddling Mom’s Victim
Dear MMV,
I pulled three random cards for your question and am amazed at what came up! You got the Page of Wands, the Empress and the King of Cups. The Empress is the mother card and she sits smack between the page, who is a child, and the King, a man. It is obvious through these cards that his mother is blocking your boyfriend from growing up. Unfortunately, according to your letter, he is letting her. He probably doesn’t know any different.
The Page of Wands is a young person. The red feather in his cap is reaching toward the height of the wand he is looking up at. He has his sights set on achieving new levels. However with his mother being represented by the Empress in the card just beyond this wand, it appears she is setting the goals for him. This tells us that he feels he believes success is achieved if his mother is pleased. She lets him know what he should be doing and he doesn’t question it. He needs to learn to think for himself! You don’t want to do that for him when she’s gone, do you?
The Empress sits on a big cushy pillow, with her ruling baton in her hand. She believes she knows what is best for her son and is only considering her own knowledge. There is no one else in this card contributing to her conclusions. She is surrounded by flourishing landscapes, symbolizing her contentment and success with her own life. She appears very secure and protected, similar to the big house on the hill where the Bates’ lived!
The King of Cups shows the man your boyfriend could turn out to be. He is avoiding those waves in the water and taking things sitting down. He likes to try to keep things steady and would rather not make any trouble He is trying to please everyone - especially his mother. Notice he is still wearing a dress like the Page …and now even jewelry. If she keeps dressing him it could get very embarrassing for you! Speaking of embarrassing, you need to tell him that under no circumstances should he be discussing your sex life with her. That is outrageous! Does he have any friends?!
To tell you the truth, Victim, you are not the victim, he is. Until he feels that that role doesn’t work for him, it’s not going to change. Therefore, it is up to you to decide whether or not you can put up with this, and for how long you want to. You shouldn’t have to compete, or defend yourself. You can find a man who stands up for what he believes in.