Warm Heart, Cold Feet
Dear Maribeth,
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He is a wonderful person and so sweet to me. We’re thinking about moving in together, but he seems to have some insecurity with himself about it. He keeps telling me that he is difficult to live with. I ask him why and he says that he doesn’t know. He wants to talk about it after our vacation trip (and yes, we have already been away together). Do you think he’s not telling me everything or afraid I would like him anymore if I lived with him? Do you see us living together working out?
Thanks!
In Love in Hopkinton
Dear IliH,
This is an exciting time for you and a decision that will drastically affect your future. Let’s see if we can get some insight to help you peek into your future. Your cards are the Three of Swords, the King of Swords, and The Lovers. With two of the cards from the suit of swords and the other a major arcana card it appears that communication is key element to your success.
The Three of Swords is a disturbing card showing heartache and pain. No one wants this. It sounds as if your boyfriend has experienced living with others before and is not proud of his behavior. He obviously doesn’t want to be hurt, and certainly doesn’t want to hurt you either. It is a dismal outlook and one he is trying to get past. I’m glad he wants to talk about it after your vacation. You will probably get a good feel for what it is like to live with him while having that time away with him. He needs to overcome his fear of failure. While it won’t hold him back from trying to make a go of it, be sure he doesn’t use it as an excuse to give you an ‘I told you so’ attitude as he turns into a beastly asshole. He needs to put effort into not making it difficult for both of you. If he thinks he going to be difficult and act like a jerk, it’s an easy prophecy to fulfill. He must try to be nice, no matter how tolerant you are. Please remember: This isn’t a test for how much you can put up with, it’s a lesson in growing up for him.
This card combined with the King of Swords makes it look as if he doesn’t trust himself to be gentle with your heart. I see this King as representing both of you in terms of how you speak your mind. He may be direct and inconsiderate at times with his comments, but you must respond straight forward and honestly yourself. As long as the air is clear of tension, you’ll be able to work things out. While he can be blunt, you must always speak your mind. It is necessary to compromise sometimes of course, and I feel you’ll be able to share everything and come to terms as long as neither of you is ever feeling misunderstood or disrespected. This requires standing up for what you believe in and it looks like you are both very good at that.
This open communication will ultimately bring you closer, as is clearly indicated in The Lovers card. When you are true to yourself and your lover, you have nothing to hide. You’ll actually like each other more for the open hearted discussions and togetherness you will feel. This bond creates sacred trust, loyalty and security – necessary components of a successful relationship.
Enter into this decision with your eyes and heart open and pay attention to his behavior. While six months is a great start to a relationship, you can’t really measure how much you know someone by time as well as you can by significant experiences you share. Watch how he handles different situations, and remember you are still in the evaluation stages. He is interviewing for a very special position, the one next to you! Enjoy your vacation!